(Editorial from the American Association of
Independent Voters Website)
The recent relocation of the Montreal Expos is hardly a done deal, yet Major League Baseball is already selling Washington Nationals paraphernalia in anticipation of baseball returning to the Capitol City. Why would I care about any of this to begin with? One reason only, and that is I regret that MLB did not consult my marketing genius before settling on a new name for the team. I think I could have offered a number of names that would have better reflected today’s contemporary Washington D.C. culture; mixing sports and politics into an appealing image to attract the modern politically aware sports fan of today.
This wouldn’t be the first time someone has tried to rename a sports team in our nation’s capitol. In 2002, a group of American Indian activists tried to get public support for renaming the Washington Redskins, claiming that it was insulting to Native Americans. I remember at the time that American Association of Independent Voters Chairman Al Shugart suggested that they could change the name to something more appropriate to the locale of Washington D.C. He suggested the Redskins be renamed the Washington Politicos. I thought it was a good idea. I mean, what does Washington D.C. have to do with Indians anyway?
Even something bland like the Washington Legislators or the Lawmakers would be a step in the right direction. Or you could go to the public side of the political field and call the District’s team the Washington Lobbyists. The right field bleachers could be affectionately referred to as the Pork Barrel. Baseball fans could have fun with that, coming to games dressed up in three-piece suits waving fists full of cash.
Washington team marketers could have gone with a recent trend of naming teams after intangible qualities a la the Miami Heat, Orlando Magic, Stanford Cardinal, etc. So how about the Washington Gridlock? Come to think of it, that would be a great sounding name for Washington’s football team should they ever decide to shed their Redskin’s moniker.
It’s just that the Nationals sounds so vague and ubiquitous. Instead, why not the Washington Bureaucrats? That’s a name sports fans could really sink their teeth into. “Let’s go big political machine!” And can’t you just see the Bureaucrats mascot? They’d call him Party Hack, and he’d run around the field between innings tossing vouchers for federally funded programs into the stands.
Well, I have to be realistic here. MLB has already received a number of bids on the new franchise scheduled to begin play next April. Although a new owner would have the option to change the name of the fledgling Washington Nationals, I won’t hold my breath. But there’s still the Washington Redskins. Maybe that Indian lobby is ready to take another crack at it. On the other hand, maybe it’s best to leave bureaucracy to the bureaucrats, even in the world of sports.